How did you get this job?

So my dogs (This was back before Cinnamon left us) ate the spine of a library book. It wasn't that bad, and the book was still totally readable, but I was sure the library would cry about it.  Because avoidance is my friend, I checked it out till I couldn't anymore. Then I returned it. They checked it in, and I thought I got away with it. Then a few days later they charged me 13.99 and stated it was animal damage. I told manchild that was pretty specific and how do they know I didn't eat that book. He told me to stop chewing on books… So I get this letter from the library saying I can either bring them the same book in good condition or pay the fine. So I get on Amazon and they are selling that book for $4.00 prime. Of course I buy it. It comes in three days and I once again avoid taking it in till Friday. ( Mind you I got two letters from them in March stating that the book would only be held for 15 days for inspection then destroyed.) 

So I bring the book in with the letter and walk up to the counter. The lady was nothing short of an idiot. I tell her I had received this letter and here is a replacement book. She says ” your card?” and she stumbles over it. Not even a direct I need your library card. I tell her my number is on this letter look it up and she is like “I guess i can type it in.” Are you fucking kidding me? Of course you can. I’m replacing a book even if someone was pretending to be me and replacing it, take the fucking book. Then I get my library card out and hand it to her. She looks at the screen and gets excited, "Oh good it’s the same!” Would I bring you a different book lady? Seriously. I’d love to work in the library. Can I have your job? I know/hope your not a real librarian. ( Most people who work in the library aren’t since you need a masters in Library Science.) So she checks it in and tells me I owe her 5.00. I tell her I’ll pay that at home and ask if she still has the damaged book. ( I never read it.) She says ” Oh yes, good idea.” and looks in a mostly empty cupboard and pulls it out. Then informs me, ” This is yours now to keep.” Duh.